Friendship

Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.

Many people I have met along the way are surprised to see me travelling alone. They find it difficult to comprehend, since they are not. Can you ask yourself when the last time was that you were truly alone? Not simply in the next room whilst others are elsewhere in the house. Not sat in the knowledge that sooner or later you will be in company. Solitude was never a friend of Mums, she loved people and craved conversation.

I've been very lucky in many ways since I departed from the UK. I've already explained how Mums bus attracts friendly actions wherever it goes, introductions that would never be made, smiles never seen, conversations never heard. Every now and then I will receive a text enquiring as to how I am, a phone call here and there. But primarily I am alone. I take no issue with solitude, but I do place great value on true friendship and count myself very lucky and thankful to have the friends that I have and to be able to now include those that I have met along the way as friends. As a side note. For those who have tried to call and I have not answered or responded, please accept my apologies. Two phone bills whilst here in Turkey that could make your eyes water are the reason.

One of the reasons I returned to the UK was to be able to attend the christening of Niamh. Dave and Tracys beautiful daughter. This being the day after Stu and Kellies wedding, where I sat and listened to Stus speech. Hearing him remember his Father and wishing how he could of been there himself. Stu lost his Father to cancer and hearing his words reminded me of one of those many tangible expectations that you unconsciously take for granted until death snatches them all away and one by one they make themselves known and felt. Parents are always a constant in our lives until they are no longer there. There are echoes, but the present to create new echoes is lost.

The christening was a two fold experience for me. The celebration of friendship, on a special day for the daughter of two of my most treasured friends who have provided support that doesn't come with the words of offers or the constant need for contact, but simply exists due to the bonds between us. Dave and Tracy, thank you. The second part of the experience for me was to re-enter the church for the first time since it held the funeral for Mum and be able to see it in a different light. A balance between celebration and sadness.

Attending the wedding and the christening acted as a kind of catharsis. One which i'm not going to attempt to explain as I think I would fail. Seeing friends and their wives, their children, their parents and siblings, in Daves case grandparents as well, is all of great comfort. Personally I think it is a positive thing to see the goodness of life. That its ability for pain, cruelty and bitterness is counterbalanced and outweighed by the love, kindness and happiness that we can choose to share with one another.

Mum placed great value on friendship and had found true friends in Katie and Pat here in Turkey. I have said previously how Katies assistance was invaluable during my stay in Armutulan with her help to arrange for me to once more go through Mums personal possessions and make those decisions as to what was to return with me, what items to give as tokens to those as a symbol of their friendship with Mum and what to pass over to those that have the wherewithall to distribute to people less fortunate than ourselves. She talked and laughed of how she always viewed Mum as like a butterfly as she seemingly floated across the local square in her flowing, bright, and no doubt sparkly attire. She also talked of their final day together before Mum flew back from Turkey for the final time. The favourite pizza, the laughter they shared as Katie attempted to administer the pain relief injection that they hoped would last for the duration of the flight. Thank you Katie for being there for Mum, she always spoke with such joy about you.

Katie contacted Ilyas for me. The man that Mum had fallen in love with here in Turkey. The fact that neither Ilyas nor myself could speak one anothers language meant that there could be no awkward conversation. Simply quiet acknowledgement of one another, a silent respect for one another, and the opportunity to provide him with the poem Mum had written for him.

Katie also gave me the idea to visit Akyaka. A place away from my chosen wild camping spot at a viewpoint overlooking the bay holding Marmaris, Armutulan and it's many intergrated localities that Mum had grown to so love and to call home. Since I left the UK I had set myself a small challenge to wild camp throughout. No campsites, purely choosing the spots where I would camp each night. Akyaka and Gokova was the first campsite I had driven onto in 40 days and 6000miles, and the first extended break I had allowed myself. Being there allowed me a distance from where Mum once was and the task of sorting, and the resultant opportunity to meet three people whom I now consider to be my good friends and spend times together which will always hold happy memories.

It was here that I met Kalle from Germany, Dorin from Romania and Ozan from Turkey itself. Thank you gentlemen for your friendships, conversations and the fun times we had for those days.....I certainly can't remember the last time I did something like this......

Thank you Dorin for the pictures.

It was also good to know that it is viable to cook for four. At least I assume it was since none of you developed any signs of sickness the following day, and continued to talk to me.....I have since visited Ozan in Ankara and met his family and close friends. The hospitality, friendliness and kindness they provided was second to none. Thank you Ozan.

Ozan to the left, Kalle in the middle, and Dorin to the right.

It is strange sometimes the way that life leads us to meet with people who share circumstances. Kalle himself lost his Mother earlier in the year. We listened closely and shared after our initial introduction involving the whereabouts of a potential tent for his stay, concluding with the provision of a bolt from my supply to replace the one broken on his kite surf board.

It was more than good to see Pat once again. The last time I had seen her, and indeed the first time I had met her and not only heard Mum talking of her, was when she and Chris came to visit Mum before Christmas. Shortly after the truth of her cancer had been revealed. Due to the problems with bringing the parts into Turkey from the UK we spent far more than the original two days together. This meant that I had the good fortune to spend time with Pat. To appreciate what Mum found so endearing, to listen to her talk of Mum and her stories of them together. All spoken and told with a level of affection, care and loss that is a true symbol of real friendship. Again, I am forever thankful for the help, hospitality and the friendship that Pat gave so freely and am happy to be able to call Pat my friend as she was Mums. It was also somewhat coincidental that since Mums passing, Pat had moved from her previous home in Marmaris to Altinkum. Altinkum being the very first place in Turkey Mum had visited when I sent her off for a much needed break and the seeding of her love for this country. Pat is here on the far right, stood next to her good friend Jayne before some moron reversed into Jaynes lampost.....

Due to my time here in Turkey there have been far greater opportunities to make friends who I hope will remain so in the future and who I am thankful for the companionship they have given. You may or may not be surprised that some are in fact American....I did say I couldn't eat a whole one i'm sure....

Ed from Georgia, US who has made me laugh with his never ending supply of life stories and surprisingly works in Turkey, come from the States, yet lives in England, with Baris, the Turkish equivalent to Norman Wisdom....

Rachel and Mia from California who on occasion I acted as a 'bore' guide for....and who were travelling with Dominic, who although from the US, isn't as his t shirt suggests.....

Jerome, the Frenchman who being from Brittany, proves that not all Frenchmen are rude and ignorant and is as truer friend as can come your way, if a little keen on wine and soup....

Ali from Turkey and Tayce from Australia who is having an extended stay and working at Alis' cafe. The proverbial suppliers of good times, good conversation and happy days.

Marcus from Scotland, Jen from the US who are my current lodgers (not in the bus though), and their French friend whose name evades me.

Fikrat on the left, my "Abi" and a kinder gentler man you won't meet. He has provided an opportunity that I would never have believed possible, and one which I hope will be of use to all in the future. Together with his Father and his best friend the carpenter who made the finest of Ottoman doors...to which I will explain more later.

Hitch hikers have also come my way. Happy to provide to someone the assistance of a lift that maybe one day should I need it, will be forthcoming in my direction. Perhaps the funniest instance being the man below sighting the arrangement to the rear and happily taking himself off to the realms of sleep after a matter of minutes, whilst meantime the lady announcing "being in your bus is like being a rock star, everyone waving, beeping, shouting and taking pictures all the time"

Richard from the UK travelling with Diane from the US. All these Americans, I don't know....

Mum always loved to return to Turkey with a bag of flakes from my collection. I had brought some with me, Katie being one of the happy eaters, and here below are the the final flake eaters...a group of children who came running over when I stopped for a break on my way to visit Pat.

There are others who unfortunately I do not have pictures of, but all have become part of Mums journey, and all have taken her story with them since I realised early on that I could not simply say to the question "what brings you here?"  that I was just "travelling" without my face showing that there was another truth. 

I am going to bring the blog to a close over the next day or so and perhaps then it will become clear why I have not updated it of late and why now is the time to be able to place into words and pictures what I haven't been able to over these past weeks.